Tuesday, October 04, 2005
music: mariah carey~ i still believe remix
mood: i have no idea
i need a hug...
Posted at 12:05 am by
angeltearz
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Sunday, August 14, 2005
i never liked heights but baby; you make the fall look so appealing
mood: scared
music: pussycat dolls ~ dont cha
havent updated in awhile huh? seems ive suddenly gotten this really unfamiliar thing called a life. strange.
anyway.. chicago is coming up. i move in a little less than 2 weeks. *sigh* part of me cant wait to get the fuck away from here. part of me wants to hold on to my mama's legs and never let go.
i think that i may have fallen in love. it SUX! and it feels so good. never felt this way before. im scared out of my mind. leave it up to heather to fall in love with someone is absolutely no good at all for me. to fall in love with someone that i can never have a relationship that will go anywhere. ill prolly spend many future crying over this. oh well. luckily he doesnt live in chicago and has no intentions of moving. whatever.
Posted at 02:40 pm by
angeltearz
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Friday, April 22, 2005
isnt it messed up how im just dying to be her?
mood: overwhelmed
music: hello ~ evanescence
im a bitch. period muthafucking period. in some ways im kinda proud of myself for being a bitch. in other ways im totally disgusted with myself. its the gemini in me. i keep getting in these argument like type things with saroya and she gets so pissed at leviticus. and my issue with that is its not like hes doing anything that i didnt ask for or anything that i didnt want. saroya is saying that he might be taking advantage of me and i dont know it because he is so much older and experienced. whatever. i dont care. i kinda feel like i deserve it cause i can look his girlfriend dead in her eyes and smile and make pointless ass conversation like im not fucking her man. i deserve whatever bullshit i got coming. i know its wrong and i know people are gonna get hurt but i dont care enough to stop. and its all gonna blow up in my face, i can feel it. once again i dont care enough to stop it. i wish i had a crystal ball so that i could see how its all gonna end. i know its gonna end very dramatic and badly but i dont know when. like how long is this shit gonna go on before we get caught? im such a dumb bitch.
Posted at 03:09 pm by
angeltearz
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Wednesday, April 20, 2005
I wanna spread the news that if it feels this good getting used... u just keep on using me... until u use up.
mood: sore
music: use me up ~ Bill Withers
i was having a little breakdown yesterday. well, hell. im entiltled to one if i feel like it. its my blog! assholes. ive been having a lot of mini breakdowns lately. whats that about? school will be over and im so excited. no school, so school lalalalalala!
how do you pull away from someone, when everytime you distance yourself from them they follow you? what the fuck do i do with out hurting his feelings? hmmm... i guess id rather hurt his feelings than get mine hurt huh?
oh well... enough of that. IM RICK JAMES BITCH!!
Posted at 03:24 pm by
angeltearz
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Tuesday, April 19, 2005
Because my mouth
Is wide with laughter
And my throat
Is deep with song,
You do not think
I suffer after
I have held my pain
So long?
Because my mouth
Is wide with laughter
You do not hear
My inner cry?
Because my feet
Are gay with dancing,
You do not know
I die?
~ Langston Hughes
Posted at 11:58 am by
angeltearz
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you're the worst actor that i've ever seen but if this script called for liars. you'd play the lead.
mood: eh
music: use me up ~ Bill Wilters
bad things ususally happen to people who do bad things. karma and all that. i dont think that i am a bad person. i just think that i do bad things. maybe there is a difference and maybe there isnt. sometimes i feel bad and sometimes i dont give a damn. i dont know whats wrong with me. im so fucked up.
my friends tell me that i deserve so much better out of a relationship. they think that leviticus is a dog. i cant make them understand that i dont deserve better. i cant make them understand that im willingly with him, so what does that make me? ive heard all the stories and i dont have some misguided notion that he's gonna change. i know he's a dog and that doesnt deter me. i kinda like it. what does that make me? i dont know whats going on with me anymore.
good things happen to good people, people who do good things. i should be happy for those people, but instead of being happy im all jealous and sulky and then i drown my sorrows in a bottle of wine and a warm body. well, there is a part of me that is happy for my friend, the same part that feels guilty for the rest of me that is jealous. God! I feel like such an asshole.
I cant wait til im outta here. PLEASE GOD let me get out of here. i cant stay. ill never make it.
Posted at 11:53 am by
angeltearz
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Tuesday, March 22, 2005
i'll explain it all to you through alcohol and bad tattoos. if i talk and i laugh too loud, it's because i'm trying to forget that i'm sad.
mood: sore
music: whatever it takes ~ anita baker
*sings* im on an emotional rollercoaster... i havent posted in a looonng time. sorry. im so friggin sore. i auditioned for the st louis muny on sunday and i hope i got it. i wont find out for two weeks.
drama drama drama in my life
friends should be friends and not stab you in the back like a bunch of ASSHOLES!!
amen.
Posted at 06:25 pm by
angeltearz
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Thursday, February 24, 2005
"So I'll play another round Of musical beds And harmoniously fuck you Straight out of my head" ~ Jaiel
mood: eh
music: maroon 5 ~ secret
i have no idea why i do the things i do. im always building up to a particular event and when that happens i have no idea what to do afterwards.
black theatre workshop is kicking my ass and ill be so greatful when the shit closes on saturday.
ive always said that i have never experienced outright racism. but today i realized that i have. the way the university is treating black theatre workshop is fucking ridiculous. its sux that is 2005 and the shit is still happening. i wonder if things will ever change.
Posted at 01:58 am by
angeltearz
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Tuesday, February 22, 2005
You've gotta understand my side, I've had a crazy, crazy life nobody came along to open up my eyes.
mood: confused
music: Ani DiFranco ~ Adam and Eve
I dont think that I am a bad person, but sometimes I question whether or not im a bitch. some things I dont feel bad about doing when I know I should. sometimes i dont feel anything about anything. i just feel numb. sometimes i feel too many things at one time and i dont know which emotion is the true emotion.
this doesnt make any sense does it?
i have never equated sex with love. in fact i feel like its almost impossible for me to love someone that im having sex with. i go through the motions and im very affectionate but there is no feeling of any kind behind it.
sometimes i wish that i would fall for levi just to prove to myself that i actually have heart somewhere in my chest. no, thats not true. i believe that i have a heart and i care for people. i just cant care for someone that im fucking. *shrugs*
so i fucked levi and now im kinda semi interested but hes not just anotha nigga. its not gonna be possible for me to ignore him and his phone calls like a i usually do after sex.
*sigh* the things that i get myself into.
Posted at 01:12 pm by
angeltearz
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Thursday, February 17, 2005
He dont dont... maybe if he wasnt such a gigalo, i would let him stay, instead i let him go. cause all he wants from me is a private show.
mood: sick
music: pink ~ private show
i have totally fallen in love with Pink's Cant Take Me Home all over again. *hugz it* i had the flu for like 10 years but im all better now. i think it was a bad case of diabetes and the worms. hehehe. i dont have much to say really. my life is really strange right now. i feel like all my friends have disappeared. maybe i disappeared. *shrugs* i dont know.
i wonder if ill ever fall in love. and its weird cuz i have never really wanted to fall in love but lately i have been thinking about it. its kinda sad cuz i dont think i will. *shrugs*
J!! I miss you! where are you! AAAHHHH!!!
Posted at 03:56 pm by
angeltearz
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